“Yes,” Jesus said. “Good evening, Neil. How are you tonight?”
Neil Foster was driving his car when Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, appeared in his passenger seat.
Neil was a bit embarrassed to see Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, in his passenger seat because he had just finished violating the Second Commandment, which specifically proscribed the uttering of the name of Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, in a manner inconsistent with praise.
At the time of the infraction Neil Foster was returning home from officiating a high school basketball game and while Neil Foster, at this stage of his life, held no specific religious beliefs,, Neil Foster really, really liked sacred Christmas music. His parents had favored him with no less than 13 years of Lutheran schooling, from kindergarten right through high school, and, unless you are Satan incarnate it is difficult to attend Lutheran schools for 13 years and not develop a fondness for, or perhaps a deep hatred of, traditional, sacred Christmas carols.
Neil, 33, had violated the Second Commandment when he turned his radio on and had heard some talk show instead of his treasured, sacred Christmas music. Instead of Angels We Have Heard On High, We Three Kings or something else Neil approved of, the wizards who constituted this alleged station’s programming department were allowing something called Family Life Today to soil the airwaves.
Neil considered his options. He could change the station, he supposed. The local ‘Lite Hits’ stations played all holiday music, but they mostly played secular Christmas crap Neil had little use for.
Worse, that syndicated chick announcer with the sappy voice would be on the air now, and while she could be counted on to produce Christmas music, Neil would be obliged to put up with those infernal dedications, most of which Neil suspected came from women who could be charitably called stout and for whom saying “Hi” to their mailman constituted a relationship.
But Neil was too lazy to press one of the preset buttons, and found himself listening to Family Life Today, and found it actually sounded rather intelligent, never a given on American radio nowadays. The two hosts were interviewing a minister and it didn’t hurt the guy being interviewed was British, with that accent that made everything sound like a Francis Bacon quote.
The pastor – whose name was John – was talking about how he had come to Christ as an 18-year-old in England, at a Billy Graham crusade. He had been to church a few times in the past, originally to hunt down a girl who had broken up with him, and he and a friend together had decided to go to the rally.
John continued prattling about his conversion and after a while the hosts called for everyone within the sound of their voices who hadn’t already done so to make the commitment to the Lord right then and there, even if they were driving. Pastor John was so moved by this he immediately broke into prayer, telling listeners that if you were driving in a car all you had to do was look next to you to see Jesus in the passenger’s seat.
Neil certainly did not want to be disrespectful while a minister prayed, but he couldn’t help chuckling to himself, thinking it would be rather funny if he looked at his passenger seat and saw Jesus Christ, the Son of Man, sitting in it.
Just for the hell it Neil glanced at his passenger’s seat. Since he’d had 13 years of Lutheran schooling it was not difficult to imagine western Christianity’s version of Jesus – a white male with long brown hair, a beard and robes sitting in his passenger seat.
And that was exactly what he saw: a white male with long brown hair and a beard, dressed in a robe. It was Him, all right, the Son of Man, the Heavenly Father’s only begotten Son. The Lamb of God, the Prince of Peace.
He looked pretty good, too. His robes had been freshly laundered, his hair was clean and his beard, though long, showed signs of recent maintenance. Neil couldn’t be sure, but he’d’ve sworn Jesus was wearing Crocs.
Neil chuckled to himself, looked back at the road, and continued driving. One of the hosts had taken over after John had finished his prayer.
“…and to that person who has just made that commitment, the same benefits are yours – you’re forgiven. You’ve got a family; you belong. You have a destiny, a purpose for being here…”
Whatever. One of the main attractions of religion is the feeling of fellowship and the sense of belonging. They are merely playing on my fellow human’s most basic fears, the fear of being alone.
Neil had had enough and was about to turn the station when he again glanced at his passenger’s seat.
Jesus was still there! It was dark out, but there was enough light to tell: It was Him. Not only that, He had settled in, put his seatbelt on and looked pretty comfortable, too. He didn’t appear to be going anywhere.
Jesus smiled at Neil. It was a warm smile, the type you would expect the Son of Man to impart if you found him sitting in the passenger seat of your car.
“Uh, hi,” Neil said. No one else was in the car, so he was in no danger of being overheard. He glanced back at the road, certain the whole episode was over.
“Good evening, Neil,” Jesus said in a charismatic, well-modulated, resonant voice. Like the smile, it was more or less the kind of voice you would expect Him to have. Neil could see why people followed Him, and probably why He had pissed a lot of others off.
Neil glanced quickly at the passenger seat and almost rear ended a truck; he was accustomed to talking to himself, but he usually didn’t get an answer, much less an answer from Jesus.
“Good evening, Neil?”
“Yes,” Jesus said. “Good evening, Neil. How are you tonight?”
Neil watched the road for a second or two, then glanced suspiciously back at Jesus.
“I’m doing okay,” he said, nodding. He glanced at the road and then glanced suspiciously at Jesus. “Why? What have you heard?”
Jesus laughed.
Neil Foster didn’t know what the hell to think. A few minutes ago he had gotten into his car after having officiated a high school basketball game and now here he was driving with the Lamb of God. And he had just made Him laugh, too.
“Hey, You just laughed.”
Jesus pursed his lips and nodded vigorously.
“Of course I did,” He said. “You said something funny.”
Neil smiled.
“I did, didn’t I?”
“Yes. The line about what had I heard. It was pretty funny, what with me being God’s Son and all.”
“Well, You are all-knowing.”
Jesus nodded.
“I can be a tough audience sometimes. You did well to get a laugh. Some people end up getting stoned.”
Neil laughed and stopped at a stoplight. He had nothing to say at the moment, so he kept quiet. Jesus seemed okay with quiet, too. Soon the light turned green and Neil accelerated.
“So, where’d you come from…” Neil found himself at a loss for words. How exactly did you refer to Jesus Christ when you found yourself chatting with Him? Was it proper to call Jesus Christ by His first name, or was that too familiar? Maybe he should call him His Holiness? But that’s what people called the Pope and one, Jesus outranked the Pope, and, two, Neil wasn’t Catholic. Sir seemed inappropriate, and Mr. Christ didn’t sound right.
Jesus seemed to know what Neil was thinking.
“You can call me Jesus, Neil. Or Lord.”
“I can call you Jesus?” Neil sounded as if he had just been let into a secret club.
Jesus smiled and nodded.
“Of course, you can. It is My name, after all.”
“Well, then, Lord, where’d you come from?”
“I’ve always been here, Neil.”
Neil sighed.
“Of course you have. You’re everywhere. Even my car.”
Jesus nodded.
“But I’ve never seen you before.”
Jesus nodded again; Neil looked as if he were expecting an explanation. Jesus, though, said nothing.
“But you’ve always been here?” Neil asked, raising his right hand and twirling its index finger indicating the area of the car.
“Of course I have,” Jesus said. “I’m the Son of God. I’m everywhere. Omnipotence is part of the gig.”
“How come I’ve never seen you until today?”
“Perhaps you can answer that better than I can, Neil.”
Neil wasn’t particularly thrilled with the answer to that question, not the first time in his life he’d been displeased with an answer from the Lord, though in the past the answers he didn’t like mainly had to do with material possessions he had wanted as a child or, later, chicks he hoped would sleep with him.
This is also the first time I’ve received a personal response from the Lord!
Neil considered the matter. He was hesitant to presume what the Supreme Being meant when he said something because human presumption of Divine meaning had caused problems over the years. But he figured Jesus meant Neil could answer the question of why he had not a practicing Christian in ages better than He could.
Neil had grown up in – and still lived in – a small town in the Midwest. He had quiet parents and had been a quiet kid who had attended Lutheran schools from kindergarten through high school. He had farted around in the Marines for a few years before satisfying himself that wasn’t his calling and he got out, determined to find out what was. He was still working that out, although he enjoyed his current job as a minor league baseball umpire, and, like everyone else in the trade, hoped to make the major leagues.
Somewhere in early adulthood he had lost interest in organized religion and Neil had never been entirely sure why. He had enjoyed going to church as a kid, and he was thankful for a parochial upbringing. Always an avid reader with divergent interests, Neil had started thinking about the Big Questions sometime in his mid-20’s. Stuff like if we were alone in the universe, which to a great extent goes hand in hand with whether or not you think there is a God.
Neil continued driving and Jesus seemed content to let Neil sort the matter out. The Lord of Hosts did not seem to require conversation.
“I don’t seem to have an answer, Jesus.” Neil felt odd calling Jesus by his first name, but Jesus was right, it was His name. “I fell out of the religious habit years ago.”
“Yes, We noticed that.”
“We?”
“Of course We,” Jesus said pleasantly, “We’re a Trinity, as you well know. Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We all noticed. You remember the Holy Trinity, don’t you? You did have 13 years of Lutheran schooling.”
“Now I feel guilty.”
Guilt was hardly an uncharted harbor for a Lutheran. In fact, guilt was almost standard issue for Lutherans.
“Don’t, Neil. These things happen. Paths are different and who knows where your path will ultimately lead you?”
Jesus paused.
“Well, I know, of course,” he said, smiling. “I am all-knowing, after all.”
Neil laughed.
“Your turn for a funny,” he said.
Jesus seemed pleased with himself.
“It was a pretty good line,” He said modestly.
“A good line, sure. The timing, though, was what made it. Your timing was perfect.”
“You’d expected less?” Jesus asked. “Perfection is My calling card.”
Neil smiled. He stopped at another light.
“We never did find out why you are here, Jesus. I mean, as a passenger in my car.”
“I’m riding with you because you were open to Me being here.”
“Why do You say that?”
“You were listening to the program. You glanced over to the seat when John mentioned Me sitting in the passenger seat with you.”
“I did, yes.”
“What were you hoping to find?”
“I was just curious. Whether Your being there was literal or figurative.”
“Well, now you know.”
The pair drove in silence for a while. Neil made a couple of turns before stopping at another light.
“So why was I open to You being here?”
“You’re a thinking man, Neil. You’ve always been a thinker, even as a child.”
“I barely made it out of high school!”
This was neither entirely true nor entirely false. Neil had always been an indifferent student, preferring to read and learn about things that interested him, which may or not have been what the teacher happened to be teaching.
”I didn’t say you were a great student. You weren’t. You got out of school what you put into it, which, as your dad frequently pointed out, wasn’t everything you could have.
Neil made a sound.
”Tell me about it.”
“I just did!” Jesus said, feigning exasperation.
“You’ve always had an active mind, though.”
Neil nodded.
“I suppose so. I didn’t know I was ready to convert tonight, though.”
“Maybe you are, maybe you’re not. You are looking for answers where others are content to trust in faith. The Holy Spirit and I discussed it and decided it might be a good time for a visit. This opportunity presented itself and here we are.”
“You and the Holy Spirit discussed me?” Neil found the thought of Jesus and the Holy Spirit hanging out in heaven discussing him funny, though he supposed he should have been scared.
Since he knew everything, Jesus knew Neil’s question was rhetorical and didn’t bother answering it. Neil had turned into the driveway of his house and into the garage.
“We’re home, Lord. Are you coming in?”
“No, I don’t think so, Neil. The car seems to be a good venue for our conversation.”
Neil nodded. He thought so, too.
“Besides, your house is a mess.”
Neil smiled. The house, which belonged to his parents before they retired and moved to where it wasn’t ten below in the winter, was, in fact, not particularly neat. News of this, even from the Supreme Being, was hardly a bulletin.
“But you work miracles, right?”
“Yeah, sure. Feeding five thousand with some fish and a few loaves of bread? We’re on that. Water into wine because nobody arranged for a bartender? A piece of cake. But your apartment would require angels and archangels and the entire company of heaven, Neil and we’re pretty booked right now.”
Chapter 2
Swords in the Narthex Home